I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
