dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
