A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
