He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
