i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
