I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
