There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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