I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
