Did I show you my penis last night?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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