is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
