Kiss
Puke
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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