I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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