Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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