I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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