Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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