i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
