you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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