I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
