Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
