My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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