Can i not drive my cunt home
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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