first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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