I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
