I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
