so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
