i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
