you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
