I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
