I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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