i already hear my dad disowning me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
