I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
