you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
