I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
