There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
