My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
