Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
