i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
