Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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