she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
