How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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