New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
