Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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