Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
