Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
