I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
