"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
