You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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