my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
