dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
