I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
