Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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