Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
