Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
