I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I faked an abortion last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
