Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
