Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
