I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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