my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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